As the year closes, I thought, I should share some of
those things that have left an impact on me. One of the things I have learnt
over time is books I review tend to stay with me and some of the authors tend
to become my friends. One of such authors is Bobby Uttaro.
It could be in the style of writing or the contents,
Bobby’s book, “To the Survivors” has stayed with me and in a way has become a
kind of comfort book for me. I live in a country where rape and rape victims
are on the peripheral vision of the country. I am sure there had been reports
of rape before I read the book, but my senses became real sharpened enough to
take particular notice and that became depressing.
How do I mean? I came across cases of rape, from infants
to elderly women for different reasons. It appears women have been under siege
in my country for longer that I imagined and we don’t seem to be doing anything
concrete. I am not about to start another article on this but I want to thank
Bobby for at least making me know about one of the dirty secrets of humanity.
Rape is not exclusive to a particular nation nor is it
alien to any society, I guess rape has existed amongst us from the time of the
cave men, but it is the oldest shame that man has on its collective soul.
I am thus repeating my interview with Bobby today, with
the hope that somehow, we will be reminded of the road we still need to follow
to achieve that which we are seeking. For as long as we deny the woman the
right to refuse a sexual advance, I think we are diminished by that violence.
How do I mean? I
came across cases of rape, from infants to elderly women for different reasons.
It appears women have been under siege in my country for longer that I imagined
and we don’t seem to be doing anything concrete. I am not about to start another
article on this but I want to thank Bobby for at least making me know about one
of the dirty secrets of humanity.
Rape is not exclusive to a particular nation nor is it
alien to any society, I guess rape has existed amongst us from the time of the
cave men, but it is the oldest shame that man has on its collective soul.
I am thus repeating my interview with Bobby today, with
the hope that somehow, we will be reminded of the road we still need to follow
to achieve that which we are seeking. For as long as we deny the woman the
right to refuse a sexual advance, I think we are diminished by that violence.
Please enjoy
To
the Survivors…..
I opened page one and was sucked in.I raged, cried, was
angry and kicked but Bobby had me by the short hairs and dragged me through me,
through the minds of every breathing human being making me look at a crime,
issue that for us in my corner of the world we have been unable to define properly
let alone classify and give it a name.
The innocent girl on her first wedding night to a man old
enough to be her father as she is dragged to matrimonial bed and raped by her
elderly husband . Her terrified screams and flailing arms applauded by all. She
is welcomed into matrimony through the red mist of her violent entry. That was
the story. In my corner of the universe, that is how you marry. In my time and
age.,I learnt about this during my first visit to my hometown in the south west
when I came to my family for the first time. I stood in shock as I heard the
wild screams. Rape.. a word that young
bride never heard of but has been made to experience as a received standard
response to sexual activity. The women watched the men, resentment in their
heart, hate to the mate who is brought in and polygamy grows hand in hand with
hate and resentment. People of my mother’s age and some of mine. This is a hard
book for me and anyone who has ever empathized with rape, assault, and even
molestation and I passionately ask you to pick up a copy for yourself. It is a
must in libraries and schools. In fact any public place.
I am not telling you my story, but the subject of Bobby’s
book and the very painful reactions he has made me go through. I want you to
meet Bobby and I hope his answers will help us.
1. Welcome
Bobby to Ephesus.
 |
| Bobby Uttaro...Author |
Thank you for having me. It’s a blessing
and honor to speak with you.
2. Can
you define rape in all its ramifications as you understand it?
In my opinion, rape, especially child rape, is the worst
crime human beings commit against each other as it causes the most damage to a
person’s mind, heart, and soul over significant periods of time. People who are
raped have their power and control taken from them. Some believe they will die
during a rape and others want to die after. Think about how terrifying and sad
this is. The pain and suffering that rape survivors experience can often last
many years to a lifetime. But the damage caused does not just hurt the
survivor; it hurts that person’s family and friends as well. Significant others are often
devastated, sometimes more so than the survivor. I know of a man who was so
broken after he learned that his girlfriend was raped years before. He didn't
know what to do. He didn't know how to process it. It was as if nothing in life
made sense anymore.
There
are so many ramifications of rape, probably too many to list now. In
my experiences, I have yet to see a crime that causes so much shame. If one
feels shame, one will inevitably have serious health problems. Many, if not all
rape survivors at one point in their lifetime, possibly even for years, have
suffered deep shame. This is so incredibly sad because on top of being raped, a
person most likely lives with shame for years. Shame is crippling and paralyzing.
Think of the suffering people who have this undeserved shame live with and how
it affects their lives and the lives of those around them.
The ramifications of rape are vast, but
I will mention a few. Rape is linked to shame, anger/rage, depression, insecurity,
anxiety, fear, suicidal thoughts and suicide, eating disorders, and other
health issues. It
causes low to no self-esteem. It can alter people's perceptions of themselves
and the world around them. Many rape survivors live in fear. Many
rape survivors are physically and spiritually shackled. Rape can shatter the soul. And
on top of all of these horrific effects and sufferings, many rape survivors
blame themselves. But
I want everyone to know that it is not their fault and that they can regain
control back. Their lives can be happier and healthier if they are unhappy and
suffering. The soul can be strengthened and healed.
Lastly, there are many
societal and financial ramifications from rape. Rape can be linked to drug
addiction, prostitution, organized crime, and our prison populations, to name a
few. For example, I had a meeting at a women’s prison in hopes of getting the
book To the Survivors to the inmates.
At the time of my meeting there were approximately 100 women incarcerated
inside. The Director of Women’s Programming told me roughly 75% of the women
had been raped. Also, the Director of Mental Health Services told me 99% of the
women had been raped. Why were they incarcerated? The majority were
incarcerated due to drugs and prostitution. There is a clear correlation
between our female prison population, prostitution, drug addiction and rape.
This is also true for some of our male inmates as well.
Ultimately, rape causes more
damaging ramifications than I can answer in your question, but hopefully this
is a good starting point and answers some of it.
3. Is
Sexual assault, rape or sexual violence graded?
Some people grade different levels, but
I don’t think that it is necessary to do. I don’t think we should. Every sexual
assault, molestation, or rape, is a crime that causes suffering. We should help
anyone affected and not grade their experiences.
4. Rape
is not gender sensitive and is prevalent in every society on the earth, what
can be done to stop it?
The prevalence of rape can decrease if
more people make changes within their own hearts. I believe that we can stop
and prevent some acts of rape, but I do not believe we will stop rape entirely.
I believe rape will exist as long as human beings live on this earth. This is
not meant to sound hopeless. I am very hopeful of what can be done and I know
more people can heal. I would not keep doing this work and be speaking with you
if I did not see real human and spiritual growth within people. But I do
believe it is important to be realistic about the world we live in and the evil
atrocities that will continue to exist.
Rape is the most prevalent and least
reported violent crime throughout the world. The majority of people do not even
speak about it, let alone get active and help people affected. Minimal rape
crisis centers exist worldwide and too many people don’t want to deal with the
realities.
It is believed by some that the second
most lucrative illegal business in the world is human trafficking. Billions of
dollars are made every year off the sale of human beings who are forced into
sexual slavery. In addition, little boys and girls are raped in homes by
relatives. People are raped by their spouses. And we know that even some
individuals who work in the most trusted public service positions – from law
enforcement to religious clergy - rape. How will this stop? I don’t believe it
will ever stop, but we can help people in their healing process and we can
raise awareness through education.
Education and people intervening if they
see something inappropriate is necessary for the prevention of sexual violence.
Sadly, many people don’t see the signs of a rape or sexual assault before they
occur. If we educate people on some of the signs, we may be able to prevent
some crimes. For example, there were many signs of early troubling or
inappropriate conduct in the lives of Jim and Chris, who are speakers with
individual chapters in To the Survivors. If people around them were educated on the
signs and empowered through that education to act, those innocent boys may not
have been sexually abused. However, no one noticed, or some noticed but did not
intervene, and these boys suffered.
I don’t believe we will ever
eradicate rape on this earth, but I believe that we can help people in their
healing process and live healthy and productive lives. We can listen to each
other, show each other compassion, and empower each other. Too many survivors
suffer in silence alone. But I want to tell people that they do not have to
suffer in silence. They can heal and they can also help others if they choose
to. Our voices are incredibly important and valuable. We can make a real
difference in the lives of those who are struggling and suffering. I hope and
pray for more of us do that.
Ultimately, rape can stop if
human beings stop raping. It is a choice. Sadly, it is a choice that people
will continue to commit and many others will continue to not speak of.
5. Would
it be right to say that as much as the assaulted is counseled, the aggressor
also needs assessment and managing?
So many acts of sexual violence are
hidden from others. This, of course, makes assessing and managing a perpetrator
exceptionally difficult. How do you assess and manage a person abusing another
person when no one knows or speaks about it? This happens too often. The
majority of rapists are not arrested, let alone convicted and then sent to
prison. And even those who are sent to prison, how long is their prison term?
The majority of those convicted come back into our society. Should more be done
to manage them? Yes. But the majority of rapists freely walk this earth and
commit vile crimes.
I do believe the aggressor needs
counseling, but only if the aggressor wants counseling. Sadly, some people
commit these crimes with no remorse. I believe remorse and redemption exist for
those who want it, but not everyone wants it. If you read all of To the Survivors, you will see that none
of the perpetrators showed any true remorse for their crimes.
In order for people to change, they must
first make a change in their own heart.
6. Is
the rapist mentally deficient and may be classified as disabled?
No. I do not believe we should call
rapists disabled. People in wheelchairs are disabled. People with autism who
can’t adequately communicate to others are disabled. Rapists choose to commit a
crime. Some doctors, teachers, lawyers, police officers, politicians and religious
leaders, to name a few, commit rape. Do we look at those professions as
disabled?
7. In
your book you are neither a rapist nor a victim so why did you write about it?
God. I did not consider myself a writer and
never once tried to write a book until the experience of an intensely vivid
dream one morning changed my life. I woke up from this dream and said, “I have
to write a book.” I interpreted this dream as a vision from God. I prayed to
God, moved from the bed to the computer, opened up Microsoft Word, and
continued to pray. That is how To the Survivors began. To the Survivors would not be helping
the amount of people it has helped if it weren’t
for God. I would not be speaking with you now if it weren’t for God. There are
too many people suffering, and I know this book can help with that suffering.
8. Some
cultures really do not believe in marital rape as rape as they argue it is a
male right to enforce their conjugal rights, what do you think?
I think this is horrible. Words cannot
fully describe how awful this belief is. This absurd belief and reasoning
allows for women to get raped. This kind of thinking accepts rape and too many
people suffer as a result. Where does this ludicrous belief come from? Rape is rape. It is an evil crime. I believe
it is a demonic and satanic crime. It does not matter if you are married or
not; no spouse should rape or endure being raped. No one should be raped. What
makes men inherently superior to women? Nothing. Why should a man have the
right to rape his wife? He shouldn’t. There is no logical or rational
explanation for this and it should not be condoned. Unfortunately, it is.
You say that some cultures do not
believe in marital rape as they argue it is a male’s right to enforce his
conjugal rights. I know it is hard to believe, but some women do rape men.
Should women rape their husbands? Of course not. So why should a man be allowed
to commit an evil crime against his wife? Why would he even want to? The belief
that men can rape their wives due to their “conjugal rights” is wrong and it
sanctions rape. Marriage is supposed to be about love, not rape, and complete
dominance of one over another.
9. The
first thing that happens to a person that has been sexually assaulted, molested
or harassed is to hide, keep quiet or feel shame and they go into hiding the
event, how do you identify that to help?
It is not for me to tell
people how to act. It is solely up to the survivor to do what he or she wants
to do. Personally, I would like more and more people to open up to a trusted
individual in their lives, but I cannot make a survivor do that. Rape and
sexual assault are so incredibly hard to talk about. But I believe we have to
be there for each other and let others know that we will sit and listen to them
if they ever need anything. I pray that more people create loving and safe
environments in which people can disclose their stories and pain if they choose
to. More people will come forward as more people come forward.
10. Your THP sounds wonderful, have they thought
of extending their great work to other countries? Through affiliations,
overseas training to create awareness to communities?
No, but I will. I try my best to get
this book and these messages to countries throughout the world and will
continue to do so. You are a big part of that Abiola. God bless you. Thank you
for this connection and opportunity.
11. Do
you have any plans to make your book available to Africa and Nigeria?
Absolutely. One way to make the book
available in Nigeria and Africa is by talking to other people, posting on
social media sites and through this great interview. This interview will raise
awareness of the book’s existence to people in Nigeria, and I thank you for
that. To the Survivors can be found
online at amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, kobo.com, smashwords.com,
goodreads.com, and other online retailers. The e-book can also be found on my
website for free at www.robertuttaro.com if people cannot afford the
book. I want anyone to be able to get a copy of To the Survivors should they have an interest. People can contact
me directly through my website if for some reason they cannot obtain a copy. Lastly,
I would love to travel to Nigeria or anywhere else if anyone ever wants me to
speak about these issues.
12. Share
your thoughts on what you hope your book might achieve?
I have many hopes for what the book
might achieve in the lives of others, probably too many to list here. I will
try to answer as best as I can:
I hope people keep breathing and do not
choose to kill him or herself.
I hope people will not feel shame for
being raped or sexually assaulted.
I hope people will not blame themselves
for being raped or sexually assaulted.
I hope people understand that they are
not alone.
I hope people connect on some level with
at least one person in To the Survivors.
I hope people understand that they can
grow and heal from any pain they experience.
I hope people who have not been raped or
sexually assaulted become more educated on how to respond to incidences of
sexual violence and the suffering of survivors.
I hope people stop raping and
assaulting.
I hope people understand that God loves them
more than they can even fathom, even if they do not believe in God.
I hope people talk to God and listen to
God.
These are some of my many hopes.
Will you be willing to
answer questions on your book after this time, if you will please tell us how
we may do that.
Thank you being on Ephesus.
Thank you for having me.
It’s been a true blessing. God bless you,
Abiola.
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