As the year closes, I thought, I should share some of
those things that have left an impact on me. One of the things I have learnt
over time is books I review tend to stay with me and some of the authors tend
to become my friends. One of such authors is Bobby Uttaro.
It could be in the style of writing or the contents,
Bobby’s book, “To the Survivors” has stayed with me and in a way has become a
kind of comfort book for me. I live in a country where rape and rape victims
are on the peripheral vision of the country. I am sure there had been reports
of rape before I read the book, but my senses became real sharpened enough to
take particular notice and that became depressing.
How do I mean? I came across cases of rape, from infants
to elderly women for different reasons. It appears women have been under siege
in my country for longer that I imagined and we don’t seem to be doing anything
concrete. I am not about to start another article on this but I want to thank
Bobby for at least making me know about one of the dirty secrets of humanity.
Rape is not exclusive to a particular nation nor is it
alien to any society, I guess rape has existed amongst us from the time of the
cave men, but it is the oldest shame that man has on its collective soul.
I am thus repeating my interview with Bobby today, with
the hope that somehow, we will be reminded of the road we still need to follow
to achieve that which we are seeking. For as long as we deny the woman the
right to refuse a sexual advance, I think we are diminished by that violence.
How do I mean? I
came across cases of rape, from infants to elderly women for different reasons.
It appears women have been under siege in my country for longer that I imagined
and we don’t seem to be doing anything concrete. I am not about to start another
article on this but I want to thank Bobby for at least making me know about one
of the dirty secrets of humanity.
Rape is not exclusive to a particular nation nor is it
alien to any society, I guess rape has existed amongst us from the time of the
cave men, but it is the oldest shame that man has on its collective soul.
I am thus repeating my interview with Bobby today, with
the hope that somehow, we will be reminded of the road we still need to follow
to achieve that which we are seeking. For as long as we deny the woman the
right to refuse a sexual advance, I think we are diminished by that violence.
Please enjoy
To
the Survivors…..
I opened page one and was sucked in.I raged, cried, was
angry and kicked but Bobby had me by the short hairs and dragged me through me,
through the minds of every breathing human being making me look at a crime,
issue that for us in my corner of the world we have been unable to define properly
let alone classify and give it a name.
The innocent girl on her first wedding night to a man old
enough to be her father as she is dragged to matrimonial bed and raped by her
elderly husband . Her terrified screams and flailing arms applauded by all. She
is welcomed into matrimony through the red mist of her violent entry. That was
the story. In my corner of the universe, that is how you marry. In my time and
age.,I learnt about this during my first visit to my hometown in the south west
when I came to my family for the first time. I stood in shock as I heard the
wild screams. Rape.. a word that young
bride never heard of but has been made to experience as a received standard
response to sexual activity. The women watched the men, resentment in their
heart, hate to the mate who is brought in and polygamy grows hand in hand with
hate and resentment. People of my mother’s age and some of mine. This is a hard
book for me and anyone who has ever empathized with rape, assault, and even
molestation and I passionately ask you to pick up a copy for yourself. It is a
must in libraries and schools. In fact any public place.
I am not telling you my story, but the subject of Bobby’s
book and the very painful reactions he has made me go through. I want you to
meet Bobby and I hope his answers will help us.
1. Welcome
Bobby to Ephesus.
 |
| Bobby Uttaro...Author |
Thank you for having me. It’s a blessing
and honor to speak with you.
2. Can
you define rape in all its ramifications as you understand it?
In my opinion, rape, especially child rape, is the worst
crime human beings commit against each other as it causes the most damage to a
person’s mind, heart, and soul over significant periods of time. People who are
raped have their power and control taken from them. Some believe they will die
during a rape and others want to die after. Think about how terrifying and sad
this is. The pain and suffering that rape survivors experience can often last
many years to a lifetime. But the damage caused does not just hurt the
survivor; it hurts that person’s family and friends as well. Significant others are often
devastated, sometimes more so than the survivor. I know of a man who was so
broken after he learned that his girlfriend was raped years before. He didn't
know what to do. He didn't know how to process it. It was as if nothing in life
made sense anymore.
There
are so many ramifications of rape, probably too many to list now. In
my experiences, I have yet to see a crime that causes so much shame. If one
feels shame, one will inevitably have serious health problems. Many, if not all
rape survivors at one point in their lifetime, possibly even for years, have
suffered deep shame. This is so incredibly sad because on top of being raped, a
person most likely lives with shame for years. Shame is crippling and paralyzing.
Think of the suffering people who have this undeserved shame live with and how
it affects their lives and the lives of those around them.
The ramifications of rape are vast, but
I will mention a few. Rape is linked to shame, anger/rage, depression, insecurity,
anxiety, fear, suicidal thoughts and suicide, eating disorders, and other
health issues. It
causes low to no self-esteem. It can alter people's perceptions of themselves
and the world around them. Many rape survivors live in fear. Many
rape survivors are physically and spiritually shackled. Rape can shatter the soul. And
on top of all of these horrific effects and sufferings, many rape survivors
blame themselves. But
I want everyone to know that it is not their fault and that they can regain
control back. Their lives can be happier and healthier if they are unhappy and
suffering. The soul can be strengthened and healed.
Lastly, there are many
societal and financial ramifications from rape. Rape can be linked to drug
addiction, prostitution, organized crime, and our prison populations, to name a
few. For example, I had a meeting at a women’s prison in hopes of getting the
book To the Survivors to the inmates.
At the time of my meeting there were approximately 100 women incarcerated
inside. The Director of Women’s Programming told me roughly 75% of the women
had been raped. Also, the Director of Mental Health Services told me 99% of the
women had been raped. Why were they incarcerated? The majority were
incarcerated due to drugs and prostitution. There is a clear correlation
between our female prison population, prostitution, drug addiction and rape.
This is also true for some of our male inmates as well.
Ultimately, rape causes more
damaging ramifications than I can answer in your question, but hopefully this
is a good starting point and answers some of it.
3. Is
Sexual assault, rape or sexual violence graded?
Some people grade different levels, but
I don’t think that it is necessary to do. I don’t think we should. Every sexual
assault, molestation, or rape, is a crime that causes suffering. We should help
anyone affected and not grade their experiences.
4. Rape
is not gender sensitive and is prevalent in every society on the earth, what
can be done to stop it?
The prevalence of rape can decrease if
more people make changes within their own hearts. I believe that we can stop
and prevent some acts of rape, but I do not believe we will stop rape entirely.
I believe rape will exist as long as human beings live on this earth. This is
not meant to sound hopeless. I am very hopeful of what can be done and I know
more people can heal. I would not keep doing this work and be speaking with you
if I did not see real human and spiritual growth within people. But I do
believe it is important to be realistic about the world we live in and the evil
atrocities that will continue to exist.
Rape is the most prevalent and least
reported violent crime throughout the world. The majority of people do not even
speak about it, let alone get active and help people affected. Minimal rape
crisis centers exist worldwide and too many people don’t want to deal with the
realities.
